Because We Are Women

I have spent a lot of time talking about authenticity, and being true to yourself, because I feel that it is the basis for much of the erosion of our self-esteem.  You have probably experienced that sinking feeling when you have said “yes” to something that you truly didn’t want to do, but felt that yes was the only answer.  Whether it is in a professional situation or in everyday life, if you are not true to yourself, it will eventually catch up with you or me.

As I indicated in my last post, More Magazine published an article about being  “Fired @ 50” which resonated with me not because I was fired @ 50, but I did have a position in a company that took over my life.  Due to the difficulty I experienced at that time, I have not been defined by anything that has taken over my sense of who I am.  So who am I? I am a creative, empowering, caring and powerful person who doesn’t feel that I have achieved the level of success that I desire.  Sometimes I feel defined by that sense of failure, so I will keep working on that.

In addition to the my story, I would like to share the stories of two other women who were at the top of their companies, and lost their jobs after nearly 28 years of employment.

The first woman was the editor of a major magazine and had weathered many storms in the company during her 28-years, giving birth to two children, being a female in a male dominated environment and surviving the transfer of the magazine to new owners.  She was able to stay ahead of the pack, being among the top magazines in the country.  When the magazine was again sold, she was replaced.  She had done a great job, but they just wanted their people in place, which often is the case.  As devastating as it was for her, she had always maintained a very strong sense of “Values and family.”  Although she mourned the death of the job, she decided to take a step back and regroup, revisit her values and re-invent herself.  She tried a few different things and then finally landed as the CEO of a major  foundation.  I remember her once saying,  “I loved the job and gave it my all, but it the end it wasn’t my life.  My life was me and my family and my job was just an extension of that.”  Good advice for all of us.

The second story is about another woman who also had a 28-year career, was a woman in a man’s environment and who became the first woman president for a national media company.  She remarked once how when her career began in the late 70’s, none of the women in the company wanted to work for her, because she was a woman.  The young woman who stepped forward was her assistant for her entire career.   Under her leadership the company flourished making great profits, staying at the top of the market.  And, once again, the buyout came, and she was replaced.  I can so clearly hear her saying, “I was a woman who had lead the company well, and I thought I was golden. I never saw it coming.”  It wasn’t about her they just wanted their man.

Both were hit very  hard.  For the second, she spend the next two years  fabricating stories about what she doing,  not admitting that she was no longer with the company.  Eventually she let it go, collaborated on a book, and took control of her life.  She now lives on the west coast, engaged with her family and having a great time.

Both situations were equally as difficult and each had a period of mourning for the loss.  It took less time for the first women because she was grounded in her family and not defined by her job.  Letting anything or anyone take over your identity, can only result in very difficult and trying situations.

A couple of weeks ago I had breakfast with a lovely women who talked about her experience with being true to herself. Like many women, she was in a challenging marriage, with a couple of children and finally made some significant changes.  She sat down with her children one day to have a chat about their relationship.  In her discussion she said to them “Mother’s are people too. I have needs, and desires, that don’t involve motherhood.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, just that sometimes I have to do things for me.”  Several years ago when I was writing for Family Circle, I had an idea for an article entitled “Mother’s are people too.”   I wanted to write it for Mother’s day to talk about how, we as children, think that our parents don’t have lives outside taking care of us.  To find someone of like-mind is always a pleasure.

When I was hosting the Because We Are Women symposiums, a portion of the attendees had identity issues.  They had just become empty nesters, or were recently divorced, and had no idea what to do with themselves.  We did many exercises that caused the participants to take a positive look at themselves.  We asked them to define several things:

Two physical characteristics, Two personality traits, and one skill.

Okay, now it is your turn. Tell me about you

At a recent women’s networking group where I was speaking, I asked this question.  Of the 30 women in the room,  no one acknowledged any physical characteristic.  That says a lot about our identity and how we view ourselves. .

We are going to talk about how to find that identity. Until next time, have an authentic day.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 25th, 2010 at 4:31 pm and is filed under Self-Image. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.